Quote: “A single rose can be my garden…a single friend, my world.” – Leo Buscaglia
When I was a shy, 13-year-old girl, I met a loud, outspoken, tomboyish girl in junior high school, and after a few awkward meetings, we became friends. We remained friends into our thirties, but as life can often do, we got separated, and busy with our own stuff, and our lives went into different directions. We stayed in touch, now and then, but we were both preoccupied with other things. For all those years, she was my dearest friend. But, things changed. We grew up into women. Women with responsibilities, children, real life problems, relationships, and just daily life issues. Bottom line, we each had changed. But I had changed most of all, and unfortunately, I outgrew our friendship. Where I once liked to stay out all night, drinking and dancing, smoking pot, I had replaced those things with reading, going to intimate concerts, and working a full-time job. My friend didn’t change all that much. Whenever we spoke on the phone, she sounded high, often yelling at her kids, etc. I tried to help, but she didn’t want it. So in the end, the friendship died.
Since then, I’ve made many acquaintances. Some through work, others from meeting at certain social events. A few developed into brief friendships, but nothing concrete. I did have what I felt was a wonderful, often stressful, and very emotional friendship with another woman who I had met through work, and that friendship lasted 15 years. When that one ended, I was a wreck. I thought that the pain of losing her in my life was going to last forever. It didn’t, but at that particular time, it felt like that.
But, from each relationship that ends, I’ve learned something of each of them.
I believe in fate. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. Nothing is random. Because life has its ups and downs, the people that come into our lives will also be like that, bring us up, and then some with bring us down. Some will bring out the curiosity side of things, others will be more unique with what they have to offer. Some people will be a challenge, while others will just flow as a soft summer breeze. And some may even become lovers, and then disappear into the night, never to be seen again. But we can all learn something from all people that come into our lives. We just need to decide what we do and do not want from any relationship, both the platonic or romantic ones.
Both of the friendships I mentioned above, I needed them in my life, at that specific time of my life. If I were to meet either one of them now, we would never be friends. I don’t even think we would like each other! That’s the truth! Where I used to allow people to use me, or walk all over me, those days are over with.
Now, here’s a perfect example. Without giving too many details, a few years ago, I came in contact with someone, on-line, through some mutual contacts. We started out as brief acquaintances, only speaking every now and then. I asked myself, “Why is this person in my life?” All I knew was that she made me think, and she was intelligent, I found her stories very interesting, and we laughed. I enjoyed talking to her. But the friendship didn’t get to develop, because we stopped talking just as soon as we started! Time went by, and we started to talk again. BUT, once again, even though we had good conversations, we stopped talked. Again.
I was like, what the hell is happening here? It was obvious that we had a connection, but maybe the timing wasn’t right. To be honest, I was annoyed that she could come and go so easily from my life, without so much as a thought as to my feelings, and that she made me feel sort of worthless to her. It pained me to go through this again with this person. So I told myself that I would not allow her back into my life, just to do this again.
Well, shut my mouth with a ruler, because we are talking once again. WHY???????
You can inject laughter here, because it is funny to me. Maybe even to her too.
I really believe, because remember, I believe in fate, that we were meant to be friends. Nothing is random. We are here again, trying to be friends, and to me, it feels right. We still have that connection. Maybe we are in each other’s life right now, because we both need someone good and positive in our lives. Maybe it’s because we have each been screwed over by others, and it would be nice to have that one person that you can rely on, someone you can share whatever is on your mind and know that they will not judge you. But, she’s fooled me before, and maybe she doesn’t feel that way about me. Maybe I’m only here to make her feel good about herself, and maybe this won’t be a two-way street type of relationship. Maybe I’m all wrong about how I see this going. It’s happened before. I’d like to believe that I’m in her life to help show her that life can be good, that there are good people out there that don’t expect anything from you besides yourself. Not everyone is out to get something from others. That’s not who I am.
Whatever it is, I’m going to ride it to the end. I think, and this is just me. I think, that she is in my life, right now, because I need someone like her. Simple as that. Someone real. Slightly weird, but that’s good, cause I’m weird too. Where this goes, only fate knows. If she walks away from me this time, I know it will be the final time. That will be my call.
So why do certain people wander into our lives, at different stages of our lives? Sorry, I haven’t a clue!
Just because they do. Go with it, learn from it, and enjoy. Who knows? Maybe we’ll meet our soul mates while not even looking. It’s a nice thought, and since I tend to try to look at the Brightside of life, then maybe this is true.