“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.”
There’s never a good way to break-up with someone that is still in love with you. You know that you have to do it, but you also know that you’ll be hurting someone that you once were in love with too. It wasn’t planned. You just fell out of love. But, how do you know it’s really over? What are the signs? Can you really trust your heart?
For me, falling out of love becomes obvious. I start to pull away a little more everyday. I’d rather be alone, than with them. I feel like they are nagging me for attention, attention that I don’t want to give them. I begin to avoid them, maybe telling them that I’m going to bed early, when I’m really not. I tried to imagine, what if they were with someone else, would it bother me? But the answer was, no, it wouldn’t. When these type of games begin, I know that the relationship is going the wrong way. So, you try and talk to your partner, you start by saying that things aren’t really working out for you, and that you want some time to be alone. BUT….because THEY still want to be with you, they talk you into giving things one more try. And then, it’s another “one more try”. Before you know it, it’s been three years of “one more tries”, and you are still not happy in the relationship. But you keep trying because there are good things there, and after all, no one is perfect, right ? And you know that they love you, but now, it appears to be an obsession. This type of “love”, is scary to me. Ever watch those shows, “Snapped”, or “Killer Couples”? I watch them all the time. There’s a thin line between, “I love you so much, it hurts”, and “I love you so much, I’ll hurt you if you don’t stay with me”.
Ask yourself, can you picture your life without them in it? If the answer is yes, you know it’s over.
I’m someone that believes firmly in love, and that there is someone out there for everyone. I love being in love! I live for love! Without love, I would be nothing. But, I do not want to be in a relationship with anyone that cannot respect me, has trust issues, or is controlling. That’s the worst. I was in a 14 year relationship that should have ended after the 7th year, but every time I tried to end it, they played the crying card, the “I can’t be without you” card, and “I will change” card. If they haven’t changed in 14 years, they aren’t ever going to either. That break-up was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do to another person. They depended on me so much. It broke my heart to do it, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I just needed to find the courage within myself to do it. And I suffered for the first year without them, I’m not gonna lie and pretend as if it were easy. It wasn’t easy on many levels. I had a hard time paying my rent, and I had to go out and get a second job. I missed seeing their stuff around the apartment. There were certain things about them that I did miss, but not enough to want them back. I hated sleeping alone. I think I was drunk for the first month on tequila because I wasn’t used to being on my own. It was super scary, but I did it. I had to, or I would have stayed miserable in a relationship that wasn’t making me happy any longer. In the end, we both survived.
There will be fond memories that you’ll always keep. That first dinner you shared, the first time you kissed softly after wondering what it would be like to be with them. Your very first Christmas together. Those memories will always be yours. Keep the good ones, let the bad or hurtful memories stay in a locked vault, not in your heart. But when you find someone new, you’ll make new memories. And you will love again.
I know you will….love is out there for all of us.