Scared Of Being In A Relationship?


Quote – “Love is unknown. To open the heart in trust is unknown. They say love hurts. It doesn’t have to.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

Someone you loved and trusted has broken your heart. You knew that things weren’t perfect in your relationship, but you were willing to try and work at it. But if both parties aren’t willing to work at the relationship, it’s a losing battle. The relationship dies, they move on with their life without you. You’re left on your own to deal with the break-up, and you go through all the different scenarios as to what went wrong. Were you not available enough for them? Did you not make enough money? Did they get bored with you? Was the sex not good enough? There are dozens of reasons why some couples don’t work out, but not of them matter when your heart is breaking, and you’re a lovesick mess. I know, been there, done that. Sometimes, after a few, or just one really bad break-up, it scares someone from wanting to ever be in another relationship ever again.

Recently, I was talking with a friend of mine. She was in a long term relationship that lasted about four years. Within those four years, they had many arguments, some worst than others. Yet, she wanted it to work. She loved this person. I remember seeing all of their pictures on Instagram, Facebook, etc. From their Happy Halloween pictures, to seeing pictures of their first road trip to New York. For all of those years, they shared their relationship everywhere and anywhere people could see just how happy they were, until the day that they weren’t together any longer. This wasn’t her first time being heartbroken, but it felt like it had been the worst. It just about sucked the life out of her.

But, life does go on. Even if you don’t want it to, life does move on.

Since the break-up, she’s been staying close to home. Spending her time mostly just working a lot, seeing her family, and napping in-between. We talk, and we laugh, and she has a few friends that she’ll see every once in awhile, but not often. It’s been hard for me to see her putting herself through this, but it’s beginning to get better. The cloud of fear is beginning to melt away, and what’s melting it away is what scared her away in the first place.

It’s someone showing her love, true, unconditional love, that is tearing down her walls.

Where she was scared to let anyone in, she’s now opening her door slowly, showing small parts of herself to someone else. Where she was once afraid to trust anyone, she’s learning that she can trust someone enough with a few personal things about herself. Small, not very detailed things,  but it’s a start. She’s slowly letting go of her fear to believe in someone else, and she’s trying to start fresh. All because this one person has come into her life, and is showing her kindness, friendship, and trust. This new person knows her history, knows that she’s been hurt before, and knows that she’s not in any hurry to be back with someone. But, they aren’t turned off by all of her fears, and in fact, they understand them. They know that has been badly hurt, and just needs to be shown love again. They are willing to wait, and invest time in her, and that’s rare.

She admitted that she was scared to be in another relationship because she didn’t want to get hurt again. She’s trying to feel comfortable with being in a relationship again, but she’s not in any rush to do so. And the next person that wants to be with her, is going to have to understand this, and take things slow with her. If they don’t want to, then they weren’t the right person for her. Better to know sooner, than later. Where she wasn’t willing to take a risk before, she’s rethinking that thought, and she’s considering that maybe this person will be worth the risk. I happen to think it just might be.

Relationships are risky. Letting someone into your life is risky. People tend to put their best foot forward in the beginning of most things, including relationships. It take time to get to know someone, and it takes time to allow yourself to be who you really are around someone that you’ve just met. But don’t let a broken heart stop you from possibly finding that special person, the one that you can’t wait to hear their voice say your name, or walk into a room and they head straight to you. In some cases, what you are most scared of, is really what is going to set you free.

In this case, she was most scared to fall in love again, but it’s a new love that is bringing her back to reality, back to life. I think that amazing things are in her future. She was once afraid to be with the wrong person, but now she’s afraid to not give love another chance. What are we, if we do not have love?





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