Family By Name Only

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“Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family.”

Whenever I see commercials or television shows about happy families, I sometimes think to myself, “I wonder what that’s like?”

When my parents were still married, I remember us going to visit relatives for their birthday’s, anniversaries, and every other weekend at my grandmothers house. As a child, I’d play with my cousin’s, either some board games or badminton, and a few times we would have sleep overs. I even attended the same junior high school with one of my first cousins, and we would walk to and from school together. It was all very pleasant, it’s what you did as a “family”, and it appeared to look as normal as anything. But, it wasn’t at all pleasant, and most if not all of my “family”, turned out to be some of the most phony people that I ever met.

Take a few of my first cousins, and I will not be using their real names here. “Claire”, the one I’d walk to and from school with? She would break things and tell her mom that I was the one that broke them. At school, I learned that she was telling the other kids how she thought that I was dumb, and that she hated walking with me, but that her mother told her that she had to. And of coarse, she pretended to my face that she liked being around me. Years later, I found out that she was cheating with my boyfriend behind my back. I found this out because saw them kissing in an alley right by my house. And Claire had a brother and a sister, and all three of them were spoiled brats. The brother was (and still is) pure hateful. He constantly picked on them and on me. He was one of those bratty kids that would torture bugs for no good reason. Now, most kids outgrow their bratty behaviors, and become responsible adults. These three did not. As we all got older, and we are all all close in age, we all changed. It’s to be expected. But they didn’t change for the best, and in fact, only got worst as they got older. They all grew up thinking that they were better than everyone else.

Claire married a man that she didn’t love, but had money. Her sister stayed home as long as possible, and spent most of her families money, until she found men that would marry her for a short while, get divorced, and then marry the next one. The brother never left home. He’s almost 60 years old, and has never had his own bills, his own apartment, but he has everything that his mommy has to offer, so why leave the nest? He’s never had a job in his life. So, you would think that the three of them would be extremely happy, or at least very content, and not need to put me and my sister and my mother down for anything, right? I mean, talk shit about me, but do not talk crap about my mom, that’s just asking for a fight.

My mother has always been considered, and still is, to be the “black sheep” of her family. All three of us are looked down as the ones that aren’t as good, or as “holy” as they are. She was the one that married a man that wasn’t Christian. She was the one that had to leave her husband because he was beating her and her kids. She was the one that had to go on welfare for a year, before getting a job to support her and her kids. My mom, once she got divorced, dated men. Nothing wrong with that, but to her family, she was a slut. All of the sudden, no one wanted to visit us. They didn’t want to visit or bring their kids around us, but they would call and tell her that they would “pray for us”, for things to change. And it didn’t help that both me and my sister left home early to live our own lives, when most of my cousins were living in their parents homes until their late thirties into their forties. And they called me and my sister “devils”, because we were going to a Catholic church, not a Christian church. I kid you not. To this day, one of my aunt’s, my mom’s sister, asked my mom, “Is she still a Catholic? That’s not right, it’s just not the right choice”. She’s crazy, and I mean that as nice as possible. *smiling* My mom did the best she could, and she didn’t have anything handed to her either. She worked hard.

I cannot tell you how many times that my mother called me crying because one of her sister’s had called her names, or hung up on her, or told her that she’s never been a good Christian. Because if she was, her daughters wouldn’t have become Catholics. Unfortunately, they also talk shit about me because I’ve got tattoos, and that’s just pure evil of me to do that to my body!!! I just laugh about it. I’m very comfortable with who I am, and I have a good relationship with God. (I think he likes me too!)

Now, I’m not someone that likes to B-S about things, so they all know EXACTLY how I feel about them. They used to ask my mom about me, but they’ve stopped. They would ask, “why doesn’t she like us?” Really? Let’s not go there..yet.

So whenever anyone asked me if I have any family, I just answer them with what I see as the truth, my family is my mom, my sister, my husband, and all of our pets. I never say that I have cousins or aunts and uncles, because I don’t. I have no relationship with those people at all. Period. And my life keeps going forward without them. I have never regretted this decision. Being this way works for me, but I know it’s not for everyone. And in case you’re wondering, my father’s side of the family is almost as bad, just one aunt on that side I would talk to from time to time, but when she pasted away, that was the end of my contact with them.

I do have a very small list of personal friends that I consider my family, not by blood, but they are much more loving and caring people, not fake, and have been in my life for many years. They make my life better for being in it, and I’m a better woman for knowing them.

Your family doesn’t have to be just the ones that you’ve inherited by blood, your family are people that you are most close to, which could be your friends. Family isn’t just the ones you are born into, it’s the ones that are with you no matter what you do, or say, they just love you for who you are as a person. Your family should not try and bring you down, your real family should be your true supporters, the ones you can depend on during the good times and the bad times. You know the types, the ones that you can reach out to any time of day or night. Those types. Family are the ones that know you’re a bit crazy, but love you anyway.

Family are people that love you, and that you turn around, and love right back.

Peace.

 

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