“Sometimes, I get to the point of frustration, that I become silent.”
Yes, this would be my day today. Frustrating day, dealing with frustrating people, and frustrating situations. Put all those on top of each other, and what do you get? A huge pile of crappy frustration! The type that makes you want to just walk away from everyone and everything, and either go up on a rooftop and scream at the top of your lungs, or hide inside a room under the covers and go to sleep for the next 18 hours. This would be the best way I could describe my day today. And it didn’t have to be that way, but whenever you’re dealing with a person(s) who think that they are always right, and that it’s YOU that is always wrong, it’s hard to carry on a conversation with them.
For years, I’ve been dealing with this type of person. I tell myself, it’ll be fixed. But it’s always just a temporary one, like a band-aid. I’ve often wondered if it’s even worth the effort to try and talk things out, but it never goes well. Either we end up arguing even more, or we stop talking all together for several months. And unfortunately, it’s not like I currently have a choice and decide not to not talk to this person right now. Certain circumstances that are out of my control prevent me from being able to walk away from them. At least, for right now.
I’ve tried a few “solutions”, for dealing with someone who thinks that they are always right. From the “Express your feelings”, to “Active Listening”. Both approaches did nothing more than make me want to toss them off a 122 story building. When I’ve expressed my feelings, I’m told “put your hurt feelings aside, and deal with it.” That was so not helpful! And when I just tried to be an active listener, I was told, “What? You have no opinion? Can’t you think for yourself, or are you just lame? Yep. These two approaches did nothing for me, and just got me more and more frustrated.
Well, not today.
After receiving 15 long texts all within 6 minutes, I decided to take my day back from them and all their negative and explosive words, and disconnected from them. I’ve blocked their number. I’ve canceled any future plans that we had, not that we had many, because they hardly ever follow through with plans. Now, mind you. I’ve had to do this several times already, within just the last three years. Because this person is so toxic, they do not have my email address, any of my social media locations, etc. It’s just better that way. I’ve learned. Our “conversations”, would always get so heated, that they would escalate to the point that I felt I could have a heart attack from yelling and screaming so much. I was fighting a no win situation with this person, and I still do. They can still make me cry, which sucks. And I hate crying at work.
I wished for, and I’ve prayed for things to be different. But it doesn’t change. So, something has to change. I have to make the change, even if it hurts me to do so.
Sometimes, you just have to disconnect with people. For your own sanity, this may be the last resort, but if you’ve tried everything else, this may be what you have to do for yourself. Doesn’t mean you don’t like them, cause you may like certain things about them, it’s just that what’s bad about them out weights the little good there is, and if you’re like me, if the relationship is damaging to your mind, and your health, it’s time to let them go. You may have to reach out for professional help when dealing with this, but hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
So today, after work, I’ll be going straight home. My phone is already on silent mode. I’ve texted those that I normally would have talked to today that I will be needing some alone time today, so I’ll be out of contact, but will call tomorrow. I just need to get my head clear, because doing this, even though I’ve done it before, doesn’t mean that it’s hasn’t effected me in a negative way. I don’t want to be a jerk to anyone today, because I’ve gotten so wired with frustration with someone else, so it’s best to be alone and in hiding.
And hopefully, the more I realize when toxic people come around, I’ll be able to deal with them a lot better. For today, I just need to be alone.
Ever feel this way?
Peace (in the making…..)