“I don’t think much about guys from the past. I’m glad I knew them, but there’s a reason they didn’t make it into my future.” – quote by Lorraine Zago Rosenthal
I really need to stop doing this myself, because all it does is occupy time that I should be doing other things, like the laundry, or writing. But social media has become such a distraction from everyday life that it’s almost crippling if you allow it to be. Curiosity is just plain evil! So, what makes us look up our ex’s?
For example, I recently was on Facebook, and I was reading my friends posting, and for some “silly” reason, I thought of looking for an ex of mine on there. Now, it’s always easier to look for a man compared to a woman because when women get married they most likely change their last names, where the men keep there last name. So, after spending what felt like a day, I finally found a picture of an ex of mine on Facebook. I wasn’t sure at first it was him, but after doing some detective work, I confirmed that it was him. As expected, because it’s been over 15 years now, he had changed. The long blonde hair was not cut off and slightly balding. He had put on weight, but who hasn’t? He still looked like the guy I knew, just older. So I found out that he got married to a lovely looking woman, didn’t notice if they had any children or not. He liked going to country music concerts, but who doesn’t? No mention of some of his immediate family, so I hoped that all is good there. And after looking at all his “stuff” that he had available, I thought to myself, now what?
Do I contact him after all this time? Do I send him a private message? Do I leave him alone? I really had to sit down and think this out, because there are always consequences to ones actions. And there should be.
First, would it bother my relationship? Would I like my partner to look up an old ex and then make contact with them? Probably not. And what about his current wife? What the hell would she think of me? So, why do it? But then, why search them at all? Good question. And the last thing that I want to do is make another woman upset for no reason. If I put myself in her shoes, I’d be mad too!
After some serious thinking, I decided not to contact him. For all of the above reason, plus, I wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea either. And I’m looking to make friends either! I was just curious about how he was doing, but it’s not worth it to me to risk losing what I have now. And I was happy to see him with someone, because our break-up had been very bad. He was in a terrible state of mind, and I felt responsible for us not working out, but it wasn’t right. Everything about the relationship wasn’t good, and although the sex was good, that can’t keep two people together. We had a lot of things in our way too, we were young, stupid, selfish, too consumed with bad influences. It was only two years, but it was a very intense two years. So seeing him happy in those pictures, really made me smile for them both.
Plus, what if he never forgave me for all the hurt and pain that I caused him? Did I want to have him call me names after all this time? Nope.
So looking up an ex doesn’t automatically mean that you want to hook up with someone, or that you’re missing “what could have been”. My life now, although not perfect, it’s pretty good, and it doesn’t need anything or anyone making problems that don’t need to be there. If it’s just for fun, or to see where they are now, then it’s probably okay to search for the ex, but if you have other intentions, then that’s a sign to yourself that something is wrong on your end, and maybe you need to dig within yourself and figure that out before a issue gets out of hand, or someone, maybe you, gets hurt.
I did look up someone, not a ex, but a friend of a friend of mine, and he looked so great as he aged. His orange hair had turned completely white, but he still had a head of hair. He had wrinkles where they looked good on his face and he had a become a movie producer for his own company. I was proud of him, seeing him doing things that he had dreamed about and talked about all those years ago. He had recently gotten married to a really pretty lady in Greece, and they had flown out their family and close friends to be with them at their happiest day. I did private message him, not expecting to hear back from him, but within a few hours, he did message me back! I was shocked, but it was good to hear from him. After one or two more messages, we said our goodbyes, because we weren’t looking to hang out or be friends again, we just wanted to know how the other person was doing. It was nice. And I’ve never looked him up again. I knew that he was exactly where he was suppose to be, and I’m very happy for him. I believe he’s happy for me too. It was just nice to reach out to someone that knew me when I was a much younger girl, young and crazy and so different than how I am now.
Well, not too different. But with some much needed changes and improvements!
Sometimes, we all go back and look at our past, some are fond memories, some we are glad to have in our past. And some, we may want to bring back, if only for a moment, to see how things are, or how someone is doing.
We need to know that we must respect not only the person that we are thinking of contacting, but their loved ones as well as our own. Don’t do anything that you may regret. Always remember, the past is the past for a reason, and sometimes, it is best to leave somethings behind.