When A Death Happens Within Family, But Your Not Close to Them

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I come from a family where we are not close, I’m only close with my mother and my sister. On both sides of my family, there are many aunts and uncles, and cousins, but I am close to none of them. It was only as a child, that I would have any interactions with them at family functions. Once my parents divorced, I never saw my father’s side of the family, and my mother’s family was so different than me, that I didn’t want to spend any time with them. As I got older, I just decided that they weren’t going to be a part of my life.

Well, one of the cousins on my mother’s side pasted away recently. I didn’t know him really, only that he lived with his mother and took care of her after the father passed away. I can’t even remember the last time we spoke, but it was probably over 30 years. The only time I ever heard anything about him was if my mom happened to mention him in passing, and even then I wouldn’t pay much attention. So, when I found out that he was in the hospital and very ill, I felt bad for him, and hoped that he would get better, but within a week, he was gone.

Now, this is my mother’s older sister that I’m talking about. My mother and her sister have had a on and off relationship themselves, but they do love each other despite their differences. I, on the other hand, do not like my aunt for many personal reasons. One of the many reasons is that she has called me the “devil”, because I’m Catholic. She has constantly asked my mother, “why is she Catholic? Doesn’t she know how evil they are?” Now, what person says something so stupid? Not to mention that she’s called my mother names, has disowned her dozens of times, and always talks down to her. So for these and many more reasons, I don’t have anything to do with her or her kids. But, her oldest son just pasted away. My mother is heartbroken for the lost, and is very worried about her sister now, and that’s to be expected.

I’m sorry that he passed away, it sounds like he was sick for awhile, but my mother just found out towards the end. They wanted to keep things as “private” as long as possible. But, my mom loved him so much, even when they didn’t get along, or when my mom and his mom weren’t talking. When they did finally tell my mom and sister, they both went to the hospital immediately, and stayed there with her sister for hours, even though my mom is also not in the best of health.

So I was getting updates daily from my mom, and I was worried because she sounded so tired and sad. Grief is such a horrible feeling, and when you have no control over things, the heart and the body both struggle with so much pain. It worried me, and I too was feeling what felt a little like grief, but it wasn’t quite the same. I feel extremely sad for both my mom and my aunt, I know that it’s never good when someone you love passed away, and it’s especially hurtful when your child passes away before the parent. I myself do not have children, but I have been told that this pain is one of the worst, and I totally understand why.

I’m not sure what I’ll do as far as the funeral goes, but I’ll send flowers for sure, and a small note to the family. I don’t think I’ll attend the funeral, but I think that will be okay. I really don’t think it’s good for me to only see and talk with my mom’s family whenever someone passes away. I did go to the funeral when my aunt’s husband passed away, and that went so bad. I really don’t want to put myself through that again, plus, my mom doesn’t need to deal with me arguing with them, especially at a funeral! I do not feel bad about my decision to not go to the funeral. I really didn’t know him at all. I just knew of him, which is not the same thing. Neither of us ever tried to have a relationship with the other. We were not a part of each other’s lives. We didn’t know each other, and I don’t think we either liked or disliked each other. There was no relationship at all. It doesn’t make us bad people, it just is what it is. That’s being totally honest.

But, I do feel sad today. It breaks my heart to know that my mom is so hurt, and feeling the lost of someone she loved, and to see her sister in such pain. It’s hurtful. Losing a loved one is so hard.

You don’t need to go to a funeral if you don’t want to, it’s a personal decision. But, just knowing someone has passed away, someone that you once knew, it is sad. And when you see someone you love dearly, like my mom, so taking back and hurt from both seeing her sister in pain, and losing a nephew, it breaks my heart.



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