“My real, and your real ain’t the same, this is why we don’t click”.
It’s taken me years, YEARS, to realize that not everyone you’ll meet in your life, and call “friend”, will really be your friend. I remember at one time, I had many friends that I hung out with, went out dancing with, had after work drinks with, fun stuff like that. I’ve let people into my life, that never should have been there, but they were all lessons to be learned. We all meet new people at our jobs, some we like more than others. And some, you’ll start thinking that because you have some laughs and good conversations, that they are your friends, but in fact, all they really are is just an acquaintance. I’ve been down this “user-friendly-fake-friendship” road before, so many times that it doesn’t faze me any more. I’ve learned to accept it, and by doing so, it just makes life so much easier, and less stressful. Feelings don’t get hurt, and the work gets done.
Not to say that you can’t make friends at work, I’ve done that too. I met a woman through work, and we stayed friends for over 15 years, until it ended. I have a friend now that I adore, and we too met through work, and although we don’t see each other often, we are in constant contact, and I’m happy to know her and call her my friend. But, I’ve learned that for me, it’s best to keep my circle of friends small. There’s been a few that I thought were my “friend”, but just used me for things like buying them lunches, driving them around to their appointments, etc. I “used” to be alright with that, but one day I just woke up and said, “NO MORE!” Done with being anyone’s meal ticket. I. Am. Not. A. Bank.
And it’s funny, because just recently, I ended a “friendship” with this woman that couldn’t understand why I decided to not be friends with her any more. But, what really bothered her was that she was going to miss all those dinners or lunches I took her out to! We had met through work, and in the beginning, we got along good. I loved working with her, because I knew that we would always laugh and that made work go by faster. Well, I’ve always been too generous, it’s true. So, because she was “always” having money issues, I usually ended up paying for food whenever went, and in the beginning, I didn’t mind. Only a few times in the beginning of our friendship, would she offer to split the bill. But after a while, she stopped offering. In fact, she started to order more expensive food, more drinks, and picked better places to eat. I thought to myself, “hmmm, this isn’t right?” And it wasn’t just a money thing either. Whenever we talked on the phone, she did all the talking, didn’t want to listen to me or my problems. She hardly asked how I was doing, ever. All she did was talk about her problems, how broke she was, and how much she missed her grandmother that passed away, because her grandmother helped her with bills and groceries. Another red flag. There was even one time where we went shopping at a Hobby Lobby, and she waited until we were in line to ask me if I could “loan” her some money for the items in her basket. Say what?
Red flags were popping up like weeds with that one.
After a few months of this treatment, I just decided that I didn’t want to be friends with someone like this, so I started to pull away. I stopped taking her calls. I left that job, and found another one. I finally decided to let her know what was going on, and why I was ending our friendship. I told her everything, and I told her the truth, that I felt she was a user, and that she did not respect our friendship, or me, and that I did not want someone like her in my life. She was surprised, but not totally shocked. It was close to Christmas, and she sent me a final text that only read, “I got you a Christmas present. Guess I’ll just throw it in the trash now.”
That was the last I heard from her. And I’m so happy too.
She was a good co-worker. But, she was not my friend.
So, there’s levels of “friendships”. There’s the friends that you can call up and chat with about your day, make plans with to go have lunch, etc. There’s the friends that you work with, and you have a good relationship with, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll want to hang out after work, which is fine. Then, there’s the people who are just acquaintances. Those are not friends, but you talk when you see each other, or when you have to. I’ve got people on my Facebook that are only acquaintances mostly, but then, there’s a few that I’ve been talking with on FB for so long, that I really do consider then my friends. But that’s only a handful of exceptions. Your friends don’t have to be people that you see everyday. I’ve talked with a few FB people, often weekly, and yet they are my friends. They probably know more about me and what’s going on in my real life than those that I work with currently! And I love them, I love my real friends. It’s those that have a special place in my heart that mean the most to me.
Just a little note, I have a FB friend that we’ve been communication for over four years now, and every Halloween she sends me little Halloween stuff. She knows that I adore Halloween, and she does it from her heart. It’s things like this that makes me smile and I love her so much! I hope that we’ll meet one day.
I currently work in a place where I’m friendly with most of the people I work with. Of course, I don’t like everyone one, that would be fake and unrealistic. But again, there’s only a few that I would call a friend, and that’s okay. There’s some really nice people here, and I happy to work with them, to have met them, and to help them as much as I can while being here. But, I’m realistic too, and I know that we will probably not be life-long “friends”. It’s just the way it is, to be truthful. But I do have feelings, and sometimes, when I hear about things that go on with some of the other coworkers, and I’m left out, it sort of bothers me, but I just have to remind myself that our being connected here is just for the time being. It’s not permanent. And when it’s someone that I don’t really care about, then it doesn’t affect me at all. But when it’s someone that I thought was more of a “friend”, then, that does bother me. Just a tad. But then, it shows me exactly what I’ve learned about people and real friends all along.
Sometimes, when you think that someone likes you, or thinks of you as their friend, just because you say hello or might chat a little, that it doesn’t always mean what you think it does. There are two face bitches everywhere.
And that’s okay. Once someone shows you or you find out who they really are, then it’s better to know them and be thankful that you learned the truth early on, and didn’t invest any more time or money on them. At some point, you have to let the bad people go, or just keep them as an acquaintance. Do not let someone else’s actions bother you, or bring you down. If someone became a quick friend, and then a quick stranger, it’s better to know as soon as possible that they were not genuine.
As we grow up, and life keeps changing, and we keep changing, you’ll realize that certain people will come and go from your life. Try and keep the positive ones, the ones that care about you and put some value on your friendship. Disregard the ones that come and go with the wind, and count your blessings. Those types are not worth your time or effort.
All relationships are hard work. Friendships take a lot of work. They need to be watered, fed, supported, and true. Life is just too short, and now, more than ever, we need to surround ourselves with people that truly care about us. No fake shit. The real deal.
And remember, “God will remove some people from your life to protect you. Do not run after then.”